If you please, anyone...

Welll...
So much for my commitment to daily writing.
Even the seeming end of the world can’t shake me from my slackery lack of discipline.
What have i been doing?
Got back on the treadmill
The body has changed a lot in the 5 years since i was running regularly...
But the treadmill feels good
The miles
The goals
The accomplishment

I have been making playlists
A dream themed playlist
An end of the world virus plague themed playlist
And a playlist of about 200 songs for my brothers 52nd birthday...
I may try to trim that one down to 52 songs
Or maybe not

I have been at work
Grateful for my job
Grateful to be in a position that can continue through this crises
Grateful to be working at a place that is making positive contributions to the efforts
Grateful to have a job i can feel proud of and to be part of a team i care about.

I have been with my family
Working to be present in each moment with them
To be there - looking them in the eye
And to acknowledge their struggles and successes in this time.
But that has been hard.
There have been times that i have realized i am closing myself off
I am used to a lot more time alone in this house
And so
I go away in my mind
Or my office for a time
To try and find that space...
And i am trying to be aware of that
And allow for it for the other members of the family too...

But also not to break off
Too much
Because
I need them
And they need me
And we need to be together.

I know it may sound trite or obvious
But i am so glad
That i like all of my family
As people
That i enjoy being around them
I think we are lucky
That we can make each other laugh
And think
And grow

I am being reminded
A lot
How much i have to learn
From my children
In these times


I think something that has been interesting about this time is how our mornings have changed.
Our family has adjusted our morning routine to fit more in line with our circadian rhythm than regular school day allows for. We spend the mornings lingering over our coffee, playing cards, or on electronics and begin our work/school days sometime between 8:30 and 9 (sometimes i am at work much earlier than that - but try to find time to be present in that 7:30-8:30 time frame). There is no rush for showers and lunches and struggle to get out the door by 7:45, and this is a significant change to my whole mental state waking up on the morning. I have to say that the removal of that particular pressure has been a tremendous relief in this otherwise stress filled time. I am not sure if there will be any way to maintain it if/when we get back to our regular school/workdays. But it is definitely something to take away and think about. How to maintain that sense of relaxed in the mornings. How to remove that intense out the door pressure we used to feel on school days. Obviously, some of it has come from the fact that as a group, it is rare that we are all sleeping well through the night, one or the other or multiples of us is up and down for dreams, headlines, worries or what have you... so that has induced a certain level of sleeping-in-ness... but its not just sleeping in... even on the mornings that i sleep well and wake up early... being released from that feeling of morning pressure seems to have made a huge difference in my general mental state when i first come in to consciousness in the morning. I want to maintain that. Hold on to it somehow.