oh you know...
it's like this...
here is the path i took to sitting down
to write this blog
i put the toddler in her bed
moved the kindergartener from our bed
to hers
checked on the suffering of the insufferable
8 year old
and flopped down next to my wife...
who was more exhausted than me
having spent the weekend casting
Much Ado About Nothing...
in addition to the usual stuff...
i started to talk to her,
to explain..
and justify my bedtime actions:
sticking to my guns,
being hardline,
so that i dont get pushed
to the point of
losing my temper.
letting the child
get emotional
and remaining
in control of my own...
because
when
my temper gets the better of me
like it did yesterday...
i feel like
a pretty crummy parent
and
a pretty crummy human being.
i looked up..
knowing that she knew all this,
but wanting affirmation,
of my actions...
sympathy,
acknowledgement...
or even a reprove.
she was snoring...
I gathered up my stuff...
notes from the week
playlists etc
writing supplies...(the computer)
came downstairs to the living room
went to the cupboard to find
the tylenol pm...
sometimes i go for the stress relief
tea...
but sometimes i need a guarantee...
And my head hurt...
and there was a lot of stuff knocking
around in there,
likely to keep me awake.
So as I reached up into the basket that
holds the various remedies and medicines
my hand hit something sticky... something
gooey and grapey.
I pulled down the basket to confirm
that indeed...
childrens tylenol had leaked, spilled,
upended...
slathering the entire basket with a viscous purplish, graying syrup.
slathering the entire basket with a viscous purplish, graying syrup.
so... there I was - ready to settle in
to the evening
and write for an hour until the painkillers
kicked in and took me to dozy, drowsy land
and instead what did i have before me
but a goddamn
project.
this is the way my week has been...
mishaps and misfires.
misunderstandings and crossed wires.
every time I come up with an on-the-fly
solution...
a last minute wrench just fucks the
whole situation even further.
i'm not sure what is happening - if it's
the cosmos...
or just a function of being too busy
hurried, harried, hassled...
i could make you a list.
but
the best example, other than the medicine
basket,
is the leotard fiasco...
Wednesdays 'Zilla has ballet at 6:10.
and Lil' Chaos has piano at 6:15.
Somedays Jen is not busy,
and we split this up.
Otherdays i attempt to defeat the laws
of physics
to be in both places on time.
I don't know how we thought this
schedule was possible...
i think we didn't realize how often Jen
was going to need to be somewhere or doing something.
Some Wednesdays we manage to feed the
rugrats prior to all their cultural inculculation,
but more often than not, they get some
apple sauce and/or a granola bar on the way,
and a sandwich or a bowl of soup before
bed when we get home.
Wednesdays are hard.
This Wednesday had an added layer of
complexity which involved Jennifer and I misunderstanding each other about dinner
plans with a friend/colleague visiting from out of town, and not communicating
very well about it.
As a result,
I waited until the last minute to pick
Zuzu up from daycare... and neglected to feed the children - though there was -
as per our meal plan - roasted chicken and sweet potatoes available to them...
The latest possible pick up for Zuzu is
5:30pm...
The day care is only a few blocks
away...
Much of the year - if we wait until
5:19 to leave the house - no sweat.
If we wait 'till 5:19 this time of year
- we are pushing our luck.
Boots, hats gloves, coats...
these things take time to locate and
apply...
but are necessary even for a car ride
when windchill is pushing the temp to 20 below.
So the Elder two and I slammed out of
the house in breakneck speed.
But in a stroke of inspriation I had
everyone grab lesson supplies
'Zilla had checked her dance bag for appropriate contents and it was slung over her shoulder
Li'l Chaos had her piano books...
I grabbed granola bars...
we'd be fine.
We'd arrive at the dance studio
early enough to change 'Zilla there...
We'd have some time to relax - a few minutes
at least.
And then we'd load up, leaving 'Zilla in
class,
to take Li'l Chaos to piano...
We even had time to accommodate Zuzu's
toddler rebellion..
Allowing her a good 5-8 minute protest
about sitting in the car seat.
It was a masterful rejiggering of a sticky
situation.
You'd think.
But the plan went to shit
when, at the dance studio changing
room, 'Zilla looked in her ballet bag and discovered it was lacking a leotard
or tights...
"What!?-Didn't you look? I Thought
you looked!"
(waitaminute dad, she's five... she
"checked her bag")
oh well, nothing to be done. had to head
home get the leotard - maybe we'd make it.
of course Zuzu was compelled to stage another
protest...
my metaphorical tanks mowed her down
the car seat was Tiananmen Square,
the car seat was Tiananmen Square,
I was riot police... with tear gas.
no time... sorry Zuzu.
So... still not having a clear
understanding of what our evening plans were, and in need of re-enforcements with
the terrorist uprising in the toddler seat behind me, i frantically attempted
to call my wife...
who had just wrapped what sounded to be
a slogging but significant needs assessment meeting for her department.
Needless to say, my frantic pleas were not what she was most in the mood to
hear and thus was not as receptive as I had hoped she'd be to my preternatural
howling through the phone...
she dug deep however...
I heard her take a breath and say,
"I will find a leotard and tights for you."
We had to cut the conversation off -
the light changed - it was probly for the best.
But I needed more...
more
i needed her to understand - the riot -
the leotard - the ruined plan - i needed to know what was happening - i needed
her to jump in and help...
if only i had been as articulate in the
moment as i was in that paragraph.
so it was like the leotard
and the purplegraysticky mess
all week
maybe all year...
maybe my whole life...
I have been thinking a lot
of this little bump
in the sidewalk...
it's about halfway
to Zuzu's daycare
I have been trying to figure out the
right context
to write about it
and thinking about it a lot.
The thing about it is this...
Back in July or August when we first
started walking to the Daycare with Zuzu
She was pretty new at walking...
Relatively...
And that bump was a big deal
It caught her off guard
more than once.
Jumped out
and pulled her to the hard pavement
like a troll under a bridge.
But here is the key point.
On the days she did see it...
She would walk to it
check to see if it was still there
and stand on the fucker.
and celebrate.
Conquer it.
And pretty soon
she saw it more often than she tripped
over it.
And so
most days,
had a reason to celebrate,
a little reason,
on the three block walk to school.
Ha! you didnt get me, bump.
And then...
Pretty soon after that
she didn't even notice it anymore.
And as much as I was sad to say goodbye
to those little celebrations...
I guess forgetting about it
is another form of conquering it
altogether.
And so,
I guess the lesson to learn
from my toddler
is that, as trite as it may sound,
life really is full of bumps in the
road
both literal and figurative.
And you will conquer them...'
and then forget they were ever there.
They won't even bother you anymore.
You may take your accomplishments for
granted as you move on to new challenges
but be sure to take a little time to
celebrate the things you do right as you go.
Thanks Zuzu.
Once again.
