Imagination and faith...

I’m not going to write about

Worries

About all the worries

That have been building nests for

In my hair

I’m not going to write about ‘Zilla

And her

Self-doubt

Her hypercritical

Inner-monologue

I’m not going to write about

Li’l Chaos

And all that impends

With puberty

And heartbreak

And all that

I’m not going to write about

Zuzu

Well

To be honest

I don’t worry about her much…

And I guess that worries me…

I’m not gonna write about Jen

And her stress

And her medicine

Or money

Or the house

The tub

The garage…

All that…

I’ll save…

Who wants to worry about that…

I’m gonna write about magic…

I just turned 45…

And i need to cling to it

It feels like its getting harder to

somedays.

The thing about magic is

That it provides access

To two things

That are fundamental

To any kind of happiness

Or any kind of life

To two things that make life worth living

Or bearable

Imagination

And Faith

And Faith…

That is a hard one

For a lot of people….

A lot of people don’t like faith

They think it’s folly

It’s for suckers.

But here’s what faith is to me

And how magic informs faith…

Faith is the belief in possibility

And to me it is believing there are things you can’t fathom

And will never understand or explain

And magic helps to shine a light on the beauty of that.

Pretending does too…

they are their own holy trinity
Imagination the father, faith the son, magic the holy ghost…

It’s good.

Archie Bunker said - “Faith means believing something no one in his right mind would believe.”

And I think the truth of that has changed the world for good over and over again…

sunday nights, monday mornings, and cake pop dreams

Last night felt like one of those Sunday nights from my childhood…

When home and family is so good and warm and comfortable...

That Monday feels like a cataclysm… just for taking that away.

The strange thing is

This weekend wasn’t particularly fun

in terms of dad type activities.

There was probably even more than the average amount of friction and frustration...

It was very much about running my children around

Girl. Scout. Cookies.

And getting semi - caught up on household stuff.

But it was full

And it was together

And the friction, while intense, was…

Navigable.

It felt like one of those Sunday nights from my childhood

Where back to school

Back to the slog

Was also back to apart

And back to the unknown

leaving the comfort of home and hearth

There’s a lot coming this week…

And the last few weeks have been pretty full.

I don’t see it slowing down…

Does anyone, ever?

Today we open up the ceiling to investigate the water damage in our entryway.

And Jens tenure file is submitted.

And the cookies need to get distributed

On top of all the usual madness.

This morning I woke up at 5am

Dreaming of cake pops.

I hate cake pops.

It was weird.

The first thing I remember in the dream is

That I was in a shop

Paying for cake pops

And the cashier noticed that my box of cake pops was torn open.

I paid anyway

But on further investigation I noticed that some of my cake pops were missing.

They seemed to be be individually wrapped.

So I went back to the cupboard/shelf where they were stocked and

There I discovered my missing pops…

So I added them to my box.

Another patron observed me adding cake pops to my box,

Which made me, of course, self conscious…

I think that act of awareness brought sentience in to the dream
and I thought… “This is weird… to dream about cake pops… I hate cake pops…

And it’s weirdly specific…”

The cake pops were pink and red and white with sprinkles also in those colors…

And the specificity of that seemed significant.

Or at least significant enough to take me out of the dream

And wake me up.

The mind is a strange thing.

Then I lay there

In bed

Thinking about my Monday

Playing that old game of whether or not to get up and start the day early...

In combat with the monkey mind.

Trying to make the most of this moment of stillness.

Laying there weighing the joys and benefits of the comfort of my bed…

And being beside Jen…

Her breathing and her warmth...
Against the list of concerns the monkey mind keeps running through;

The work - emails, prepping for meetings, the task list

The kitchen - the dishes, the lunches, the meal planning, the cleaning

The writing - getting the thoughts down

School board duties

Church committee duties

Girl Scout Cookies

Politics and our government…

Children activities

Tenure

Travel

On and on...

I take comfort I guess...

In the fact that I have received the gift of that moment to reflect.

And in the fact that....

While my weekend wasn’t a magical journey
filled exclusively with joy and fun and games…

It was full.

Full of togetherness...

Enough so that I am sad to say goodbye to my family and send them off this morning.

I’ll be happy for the quiet though.