better

 this week i binged several episodes of Your Favorite Band Sucks

I watched Thor with 'Zilla

I enjoyed watching kids ride horses, and swim in races, and play vollyball

one kid had a very nervous stomach

about going somewhere new

for the first time

with new people

and performing under pressure...

I understood her nerves.

It was not hard to have empathy for that situation.

She not only survived, but thrived in that situation.

Excelled... beyond even her own expectations.

I continue to worry...

about my mental and physical health

and pretty much that of everyone around me...

I have not written much

in the last week...

But i did work a bit

on the Portals story...

A new take... a new approach...

and I worked a lot on music for She Kills Monsters

Took some of the tunes to rehearsal

To play while they fleshed out fight choreography

Work has been interesting

an appropriate reflection of the sort of 

gooey, floating feeling i have in general right now.

Making progress

finding my footing 

but feeling anxious

that i don't know more

that i don't do more

that i am not enough 

doing or knowing 

...

this seems to be a constant

in creative pursuits

areas i volunteer

as a father and husband

as a son

and doing whatever it is that i do professionally...

the constant internal monologue 

doubting that i am giving enough...

anyone else always assume

when a coach

or a director

or a boss 

is talking about a chain being as strong as the weakest link

they are talking about you...

always think you could do more

be better

work harder?

what is up with that?

and when did i get so glum?

I used to be captain positive on here.

I'll aim for that next week...