Resolve

its a new year...
i have a lot of goals...
most of them have nothing to do with the new year...
they are long standing goals.
carrying over from...
well, from time immemorial
it seems like.

i am not a resolutions person...
that is to say, i am not a new years resolutions person.

i am constantly resolving
to improve
it is ongoing for me
a project
a habit
i used to think of it as a fault
that it was the opposite of self acceptance...

i have come to terms with the compulsion
to list out ways i can improve
and think of it less as a flaw
and more as a habit...

i try to steer myself in the direction of being intentional about it
less critical and up in arms, more thoughtful and inspired - it works about half the time.

the last few years my only confirmed, confessed, spoken new years resolution has been to make more pies...

this year i have such a list...
-blog more
-play more music, on my own and with people
-continue on the path of making a habit of being fit and eating healthy
-yell at my kids less
-listen more
-strive for balance
-be more accepting, of myself and others and all our glorious imperfections...

i want to blog everyday
i want to play music every week
i want to run 5 days a week and exercise 6 days a week, count my calories...
i want to save my yells for real emergencies...
i want to listen to my kids, my wife, my friends, my clients and coworkers and take time to absorb what i hear...
i want to be intentional about my time and how i use it...
i want to accept my flaws and my frustrations with others and move past them...

i tend to see the new year as an arbitrary marker.
i tend to see time - or the linear marking time - as an arbitrary act all together.
so that, combined with my habit of perpetually resolving,
sort of makes new years resolutions seem...
superfluous...

however,
i do find myself invigorated by the feeling of
renewal
that comes with the end of the year

by the opportunity to
devise or realize
a fresh start

and more pies.