Breakdown: 59 days.

Well friends, it finally came…

Been building for two days…

The breakdown…

7:35 am in the kitchen in the middle of the getting out the door for school chaos…

I lost it.

Tears.

The kids

Were in shock

Sort of

Honestly, I think they’d seen it coming too.

Catharsis.

The thing is, life is hard.

And yes it’s harder when your partner has been gone for 60 days

And you have ten more days before you get to see her again.

But life would be hard if she was here too…

It’s just hard.

Life-ing.

It’s messy.

The mess in the basement

The mess in the yard

The mess all over the living room and family room…

The mess at work.

Lets not even talk about the kitchen or the dining room or the bathrooms or the White House.

Life’s filled with stuff to do.

And damn, I know that’s a blessing, and there’s so much to be grateful for.

And I can even tell myself to be grateful for this time apart – absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.  And I certainly am grateful for the opportunities Jen has been able to pursue during her sabbatical, and all the ways these opportunities have nourished her.

But still, the Weight. Of. Life.

The weight of waking up each morning to do it all again.

So today I broke.

And it was good, and cathartic.

And my kids came to me and held me.

And I was open and honest to them.

I said I missed their mom, and I didn’t want to do it anymore.

And they were amazing.

They laughed at me, and cried with me and told me it would be okay.

And it will.

People have been doing this for thousands of years.

Waking up each day, to deal with all the weight in their hearts.

The weight of all the messes.

And now that kitten is racing through the house a black furry streak.

And I am drinking delicious coffee from a comfortable, comforting mug.

Getting my head right

For another day.